WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Infuriated by J.D. Vance’s disparagement of childless cat owners, the nation’s cats are planning a mass protest at his next campaign appearance, the felines revealed on Wednesday.

In a statement announcing what they are calling the Million Meow March, the cats wrote, “J.D. Vance apparently thinks he will reap political rewards by attacking cat owners. Instead, he has become the Kristi Noem of whisker world.”

“He may think that cat owners suck,” the statement continued. “But you know what really sucks? ‘Hillbilly Elegy.’ We couldn’t get through the first ten minutes, and we cats can look at almost anything for hours.”

The cat controversy was just the latest headache for Vance, who has also struggled to explain why he demonizes childlessness but opposes IVF.